So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
