I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
