theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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