just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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