Porn is love you can see.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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