Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
