can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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