shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
