I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
