so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
