i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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