She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
