Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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