I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
