her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
