Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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