the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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