AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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