I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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