i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
