Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
