Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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