first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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