you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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