i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
