Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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