what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
