I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
