His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
