so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
where does the pee come out of this thing
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize