I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
