Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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