I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
