In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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