he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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