There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
tell me about the fingering
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
