it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
