you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
