I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
