Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
