We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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