GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
