:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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