Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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