ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
