so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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