The maid of honor just puked.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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