Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
