My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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