my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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