oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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