Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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