Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
