do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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