That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
