If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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