How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
