Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
