Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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