I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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