Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
