Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
handjob tips. give me some.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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