I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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